Notes to Self

There are many ways to react to a situation, and many ways to reply.

The same message can be conveyed by different methods.

Things that I have done well today.

I was taking a nap, it's dinner time, Sherry came and knocked at my door persistently and started crying for me.

I went out, gave them both a kiss and fed sherry, so I think I did well in this aspect )

Things that I could have done better

Dont be so fierce or so impatient to Sherry, Didi, Nani and GM

Ultimately Sherry and Didi is learning how to talk from me.

Maybe I should have reacted differently.

So sherry threw a fit in the living room, asking for papa and woke didi up.

I was in a flare and scolded her and beat her.

maybe i should have reacted differently. she was just asking for me. maybe i should have carried her and calm her down. instead i went out in a fierce mode and scolded her and beat her.

sorry sherry, papa love:)

but i did make amends with her and brought her out for movie and bought her a water bottle.

i will take a deep breath and react differently - in a positive way ! :)

When I grow up still need you la !

Today before nap time :

Sherry : papa , when I grow up, become as big as you, i can sleep by myself already.

Papa : ok

Sherry : repeats herself, when I grow up, I can sleep by myself already.

Papa : ok good girl, papa sleep with you as long as you want ok.

Sherry : when i grow up, I still need you la

..............

My Life as a dad.

Sometimes it's just so overwhelming. I think I try to do too much.
But I would prefer very much if I could take care of my kids myself.

For the first 3.5 years, we took care of sherry ourselves, hence that's why she's so sticky to us.

Humans are very funny. If Sherry sticks to us, sometimes you'll wish she'll give you a break and leave you alone, just for 1 minute.

But the moment she doesnt stick to you, and prefer the maid or GM, you feel a pang of regret.

My father left us when I was 5 years old. I remember crying for him everyday when he left. Being young, I didnt understand what happened. So whenever my mom beat us or scold us, I'd cry and cry for my father, longing for his return. He never did come back.

Sherry is only 3.5 years old. I feel very blessed and lucky to have her. She loves her daddy, mommy and didi a lot, and she would always volunteer to take care of him.

Didi is very mischievous, he always like to bully Sherry.

I tell myself, other parents are also working, why are you so reluctant to let summer work?

We missed her, i missed her, sherry missed her, ethan missed her. since she started working, she hasn't been spending much time with us. Guess it's the beginning stage. Mopz, we wait for you with open arms. We missed you so much. Do u know?

Whenever Sherry or didi cry, I try to be there for them. But sometimes it's just so overwhelming, juggling work, role as parent, role as husband.

I have to be understanding to Sherry, she loves daddy , mommy and didi. She's just a fragile little girl.'

I have to be understanding to Ethan, he's a naughty little fellow, full of tantrums and biting incidents (sherry never had biting incidents before)

I have to be understanding to wifey, support her in her work.

The weight of the family is on my shoulders - but  I do it willingly.

What's my greatest fear as a father and husband?

That I would let my family down. that i would 1 day be no longer than for them . or that 1 day they would no longer need me.

Dear Sherry, if papa is not there for you when you cry for me, i hope u forgive me. I never wanted to disappoint you. I know how it feels to cry for daddy and daddy never comes.

Dear Mommy, if papa doesnt' seem to support you in your work, the only reason is because we missed u, not because I dont wanna let u go and work .

Dear Ethan, papa hasn't been spending much time with you compared to sherry. papa loves you very much.

Today sherry said that she want to go and watch good dinosaur with mommy again. Than i casually say " how about you go and watch with papa". than her eyes sparkle and say "that's a good idea, so long never go out with you already"

How come my 3.5 year old can talk like an adult?

As I'm typing this, my eyes are full of tears. being a parent and be so emotional, so exhausting, and yet so rewarding.

Jaded

sometimes, as the day wears on, u tend to fill a bit jaded.
but by the next year, i'll wake up feeling better :)

Sherry is all grown up !

Suddenly for the past 3 days, Sherry fed herself !
Now my little girl is all grown up :)

Dear Didi

Dear Didi,

You cheeky boy
Papa loves playing with you.
I would have named you XieXun if I had a choice. Won't it be awesome to be named after 1 of the best characters in the Jin Yong world ?

Do you know that Jie Jie loves you? You must love Jie Jie back k.
Do you know that Jie Jie loves to hug you? But you always go "NO NO"
Do you know that Jie Jie loves to hold your hand? But you always want to act manly and dont want to hold Jie Jie's hand.

But sometimes if you are alone in the house, you'll go "Jie Jie where? Mommy where?"

You cannot always bully Jie Jie and snatch things away from her k? She'll sure lose to you.

Mushroom Cafe

Don't they look cheeky?

Sherry loves taking care of Didi. She'll go "Daddy don't worry, I'll take care of didi"

And she'll stop me from holding didi's hands.

Jogging

Feeding fishes. Don't know what Sherry is mumbling :)

Conversation with Sherry

Bedtime :

Sherry : Papa, later when you go out, will you bring me also
Me : Bring you to where??
Sherry : Bring me out with you.
Me : No la , papa go out do something, you have to sleep.
Sherry : But I'm scared mah
Me: No need to scared, if you call papa , papa will always come in. Next time you grow up, you also dont need papa already.
Sherry : Need la, still need you.

LOL

Highlight of the day

I've decided to post 2-3 pics daily, highlighting the major events of the day :)

Found some alphabet magnets and took them out.

Painting at home

Didi also want to paint

Embrace the day !

Suddenly, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to have nice positive thoughts :)

Dear Mopz

Dear Mopz

Do you know that daddy misses you?
Do you know that daddy misses the little things that we do, the small chats that we have, the family gatherings that we have?
Do you know that daddy misses watching tv with you?
Do you know that daddy just misses you so so much?
Do you know that daddy misses having dinner with you?
Do you know that daddy just miss having you around?

Daddy loves you with all my heart :)

Loneliness

Despite being busy whole day.
Despite handling the kids
Despite putting the kids to sleep
Despite all the hussle and buzz.
It's ironic that in the most chaotic, most noisy, most busy times, I feels the lonely-est
I feel lonely.

Letter to Sherry

Dear Sherry,

Do you know that you are papa's sweetheart, my first born and my dearest?

Papa will always carry you, when you go "papa carry papa carry", and papa is very sorry if sometimes I cannot carry you as I have to carry didi.

But be assured that papa will always shoulder you, papa will always love you. papa will always carry you.

I dread the day when you'll no longer want papa to carry you.

You always want to read 15 story books, papa will read to you as long as you want. When you learn the ability to read yourself, you won't want papa to read to you already, you'll be reading your own storybooks.

I dread the day when you'll no longer want papa to read to you.

Papa knows when didi bullies you, and you come running to papa to write a run and to give you justice. you know, papa knows.

papa knows you are a sweet girl, papa knows you are wronged.

Papa says sorry if I snapped at you, if I did not bring down to my level to understand you. Papa knows, and papa is sorry.

Sometimes you just want papa to be near you, sometimes you just want papa to watch tv with you. papa knows, and I dread the day when you no longer needs papa to be around you. when you no longer finds comfort in papa's arms.

You can always sleep on my shoulder, you can always sleep on my pillow, so that we are so close so close.

Papa loves you with all my heart

super dad !

I aim, and I want to be a super dad . no complaints !

I will run RNS well.
I will take care of my kids well.
I will aim not to lose my temper at them. - it is not their fault. they are just kids.

I love my kids ! :)

Why so snappy ?

Everytime I snap at S or E, I don't feel good.
Everytime, I tell myself to control my snappiness.

I resolve to be a better dad

Introduction

This is a blog about myself.

Once upon a time, people used to write diaries. This diaries are private, and no one else may read it.

Hence, no one else can read this blog - without my invitation.

This blog details my trials and tribulations as a dad. A stay at home dad.

Just for the record, I make $100,000 a year. Not a lot of money, but it's decent.

My wife decided to went out to work.

So I decided to support her. Like they always say, if you love someone, set her free. IF she comes back, she's gonna stay forever.

This blog will detail my raising of my 2 kids , S (2012) and E (2014).

We used to do everything together as a family. Now that my wife has gone to work, it's all up to me now.

We look forward to weekends where we can do family activities again :)

I love my family, I love my wife, I love my kids. And I'll give up my life for any of them.